im evaprating right now producing so not my thing.
as a director to a personal project i see the absolute best in what i do, my project could get away with murder. i assume the best of it and i defend its aesthetic.
but to produce it and tear it to pieces and try make it interesting is doing almost the opposite. i just write up an ad and my hands are shaking.
but ya, my film right now is about a guy who is having a sleepless night. he dreams of this girl he likes and wakes up.
theres more stuff to add, but thats basically it
basically i think ive just gotten over some hard feelings blah blah i dont know what to do for my film anymore.
i drank a bit and i started talking to a friend and i told them the whole story, with more adjectives than story and now im p much over it.
The most horrific thing about getting close to someone is the thought that at any point, they could lose complete interest in you
When your friends start picking up phrases that you use all the time
There are people in the world who don’t think Waluigi is the best Mario character and that he doesn’t deserve his own game
Isn’t that astounding
is he telling an entire stadium to suck his weewee
oh my god so i was at the store today and there was a younger blind guy with his sister or cousin or something and i was walking behind him by a little kid and his mom and the little kid was like “mommy why is he walking with a stick?” and the mom goes “shh..he’s blind sweetie” and the guy turns around and he goes “yeah blind to the haters” and just turns around and starts walking again and I sTARTED LAUGHING SO HARD IT WAS HILARIOUS
I want to delete so bad
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
Oh yeah. Now that angst is really really bad. Im commuting everywhere to do a role no one wants to do. Continuity is that thing no one wants to do. Including me. Now, anyway.
I have to wake up way early and commute.
My self esteem is way low now. I have high expectations of me in my role, and i cant say i love what i do. For some reason, i cant commit, to anything. This was the one. And now it isnt.
All i daydream about is a boring but secure routine life right now.
Where the excitement is in my head.
I dont know what i want. I cant say i enjoy anything. This feeling wont go away.
I know everything has its good and bad, but i cant commit to one.
Theres holes in my being. I want one thing but another part rejects it.
I want to be so close to someone that i can tell them things like this. That in this universe of dog eat dog. There is this one corner where things are quiet. But i dont want to be close that they know my ins and outs, that the possibility of losing them exists to get me.
I wish i wasnt so moody.
I cant say i miss the days. Because back then, i wished i was here and now. I cant live in the future because i lose sleep imagining where i would be.
Its like the only constant is the airport.
I hate romancing, it takes me places. But i know nothing else.
I probably just need something that loves me for me. No condition. No “i love you because” but “i love you and thats final.”
Right now i want to disappear.
I want something to love me, but i dont want to be able to put reason to it.
No matter what i do. Im both hurting someone and helping someone.
I really just want to disconnect myself from everything.
We were doing a close up shot today and it was really serious and someone farted. I heard the air travelling through the body from under the skin and then there was a fart. Everyone was way quiet and the scene was dead serious.
Eventually I’m going to gif every joke Carlos tells on Magic School Bus…
Keisha is tired of your shit, Carlos
KEISHA’S FACE OMFG